The road to rediscovery…

 

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Sometimes there is no bridge and we must simply wade on through

Firstly, Hello! Thank you for reading. I have been gone for a few years and suddenly got the urge to return to this blog. I am back ūüôā

The road to recovery, I almost wrote the road back to recovery there, but changed it, because can we ever really go back? Do we want to? What are we going back to? Should we not keep moving forward? I used to think we had to “get over” things¬†to¬†recover, however, after having to¬†really¬†get over some things I am now of the mind that we don’t simply “get over” these things, we actually have to go through them. Is there any point in just “getting over” something? Would it not be better to wade on right through it? This way we can learn how to truly move on instead of just shrugging something off till it happens again. When we go through things we evolve. We change. We often can’t return to how, perhaps even who we were before.

Moving on from¬†anything¬†is tough. The ups and downs, the highs and lows are mountainous,¬†it’s¬†a lot to take on. It’s exciting,¬†it’s¬†terrifying,¬†it’s¬†freeing, it’s immensely stressful. Change is hard. Whether we choose it, or it’s forced upon us, it really¬†can be¬†very hard. We must adapt and I guess rediscover parts of ourselves that will help us keep moving.

Rediscovery is a great word, meaning “the action or process of discovering again something that was forgotten or ignored.”¬†Isn’t that lovely? The word itself so positive and the meaning is just, well, beautiful. When I think of recovering, I think of illness, loss, grief, shame, mental anguish, guilt, all so negative. However, rediscovering? now that makes me think of hope, peace, energy, creativity, novelty, all so positive.

I am sure this view that I¬†have is not novel itself, perhaps not so original. But for me, it’s really helping. It’s new to me.¬†I did a marathon recently, my first ever and it was a trail marathon. I loved it. I know I could have trained harder, perhaps you always feel like that though. Still, I did it, and I loved it. I have now booked a 40¬†mile race. It’s not as crazy as it sounds. Obviously I do already run. I like to run far, but this is far, far. The running¬†equivalent¬†to going out, out,¬†if you will. This is a big deal for me, as my poor friends and co-workers would confirm. I will not shut up about this race. In nine weeks I shall run (attempt to run?) 40 miles of mixed terrain with a great deal of hills. Literal ups and downs, highs and lows. It’s exciting, it’s terrifying, it’s freeing, it’s immensely stressful. It’s moving me. It’s part of moving on. I’m not suggesting we all do something like this. The fear of the almighty DNF (Did Not Finish) is real and with me already. All. The. Time. However, it’s happening and I only have myself to blame and myself to answer to, which is quite refreshing in itself.

So, why the fuss over booking this race? I have been trying to figure out why it’s become such a big deal so quickly. Writing seems¬†to be¬†a good way to find out as my thoughts flow out through my finger tips.¬†The word control keeps coming to my mind. What can we control in our lives? Really think about it? What do we have absolute control over?

Our relationships? No. Unless you are holding your partner hostage, in which case please stop reading as you are not my target audience! People change, they also change their minds and people do fall out of love. We get heartbroken. We also lose control in relationships, when we fall in love, but this is definitely not always a bad thing. We just simply cannot control the actions of others.

Our work lives? Not really. We could get fired. It could change out with our control. Even when you work for yourself. Our homes? Finances? Perhaps more so for some, but for most of us, nope. These are far too closely linked to those above.

So, what? What do we have absolute control over in our lives? I am currently suggesting nothing other than; what we do, how we respond, how hard we try.

Times get hard, don’t they? It¬†can be¬†difficult to stay afloat sometimes. I think having a goal can keep us up. What better way to keep us moving through the tough moments, days, weeks than having something so important to do?¬†Is there any better feeling in the world than feeling truly inspired? That beautiful feeling you get when you have that fire in your belly, in your soul. I believe part of what makes that feeling so wonderful is that is it so personal. You really are just competing with yourself in life and indeed in any race. Find that thing that keeps you moving and hold on to it.¬†

I will say it again though. Moving on is tough. Whatever we are moving on from, good on us for doing it. Honestly, if you are in the process of moving on from anything, give yourself a pat on the back. You have earned it. Regardless of how you well you feel you doing, you are doing it. It’s so easy to stay where we are, to create reasons not to take that leap, we all at certain points have stayed somewhere to keep things simple. It’s not always “better the devil you know”, you know? You took that leap. Well done. Please be kind to yourself. You deserve it. Keep moving.

I have more to say on this topic, and intend to expand on a few points I have made. However, I do hope this post can reach someone who is experiencing this¬†now. If so, I’d love to hear your views in the comments below.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Getting things done

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If I ever allow myself to really think about all the unfinished projects I have, I feel physically sick. The paper I never pushed to be published, the Etsy shop that could be better promoted, poems, short stories, blog posts, knitting, sewing projects that never get finished.  The list could go on and on. I do finish many things, most things, but the amount of uncompleted tasks is ridiculous.

What stops us from¬†completing these tasks? Is it laziness? I wish it was, but that would be too simple. We all have to overcome laziness at some point, often daily, just to get out of bed, to leave the house, go to work, etc. It seems, in my case anyway that what stops me is that horrid little voice that tells me I’m not good enough, that I am destined to fail. It’s such a personal battle that it’s difficult to express and share with others that may be able to offer some words of encouragement. It’s a private and rather brutal battle that stops us from enjoying the present. How often are you dragged down by thinking about what you should/could be doing that you don’t even have time to think about where you are and what you are actually doing? You find yourself procrastinating instead of just getting it done.

I have always been a worrier, I’ve accepted that it’s part of who I am and I do love the fact that it sounds so much like warrior, when I say it anyway. ¬†I think it’s important to care, but I am self-aware enough to know that I worry too much. I’m constantly working on it and I feel a strange sense of achievement if I get through a situation¬†having worried less than usual. I really wish I was more laid-back. I’m one of these people who will leave things to the last-minute, which may suggest I am quite¬†relaxed about it, when actually the reality is that I have spent so long worrying about a task that I have barely left myself time to get it done.

However, I did manage to get through many years of studying and very rarely submitted a paper late, suggesting that I respond well to deadlines. I try to give myself self-imposed deadlines, but they rarely work.¬† When it comes to an actual job, it gets done. I will work my arse off. But,¬† it’s often these things that I have to make myself do for¬†me¬†that I can’t finish, I can’t fully commit to. Why? I really don’t know.

I do know that I’d like to learn how to set myself stricter deadlines that I could take as seriously as those set in University. I would like to attack these projects with such vigour that I nail it and then have to move on to the next. I would like to just work on one or two projects at a time, be it a blog post, job application, story, scarf and that is what I am going to try to do.¬†I am going to¬†start tomorrow, just kidding, I’m going to start now.¬†Who’s with me?

Does anyone have any tips on self-imposed deadlines? I’m hoping this blog could be good practice. What do you think?

Visit my Etsy shop – http://lelsloom.etsy.com/